Monday, July 1, 2013


Had a baby Nov. 9th, 2012, just 4 days after celebrating Asa's 2nd birthday! It was a fast labor.  3.5 hours in total. The coolest birth experience I've ever had.  It was at a birthing center like the other two, but this time I spent the majority of the time in the birthing tub during transition.  Through deep breaths and monk like chanting I felt little pain.  At one point I saw three people standing next to the tub through my peripheral.  They stood there watching and it gave me a sense that I was protected and safe.   Weird, huh? It was a boy, and I named him Callum.  I was covered in blood and waiting to deliver the placenta when my midwife handed me my son.  Feeling so overwhelmed with emotion and joy I began singing him a ridiculous song that my other boys are obsessed with by Barefoot Books called "Driving My Tractor"... YouTube it, it's so goofy.

Callum will be turning 7 months this June.  Most days I say to myself "what a perfect life" or "I love my husband" or maybe I'm grinning from ear to ear just enjoying a moment of reflection.  I'm living my dream and have been living it for a while, but finally I've slowed down enough to realize it and am at peace in my mind... such a different time from last year! This year feels like a time for creation and a new chapter. 

I'm always nervous stating such grand declarations because once there is a completion of sorts the honeymoon usually stops and I'm thrown into a new arena of life... fighting another wild beast of circumstance... but that shoe has yet to drop.

The farm is green as can be with all of the rain we've been getting lately. We've completed the Spring house mostly made from local stone and some stone that was rolled right out of our own holler.  Hopefully soon we'll reconnect the spring water to the house.  Until then we are drinking out of plastic milk jugs that we refill every week and 1/2 at a popular spring in a nearby town of one of the back roads.  It's an inconvenience that I actually don't mind.  I like a little bit of struggle in life.  I like when the power goes out and we have to rely on the fire pit for cooking or when we've had no water at all for bathing and spent the summer bathing in the creek and lake as a family.  These sort of things build character.  It's good to suffer sometimes, just a little.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Placenta... to eat or not to eat

I've been reading about the benefits of eating the placenta after child birth, and I'm pretty much sold on it.  Mostly because of it's promise to ward off PPD, which I battled for a little over a year after Ace was born.  I found a woman in a near by town that dries and encapsulates the placenta right after delivery.  Pretty gross and hard to wrap my head around, but I'd do just about anything to not go through PPD again... Oh yeah, I'm pregnant again : ) We find out the sex of the baby in about 3 weeks. worth checking out if you've suffered PPD and don't want to go there again.  Fuck that place.

Apparently the placenta is comparable to beef liver... and if that's the case I know a mean barbecue beef liver dish served over rice... but I'll probably just stick with the pills. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

In-laws have arrived!

The in-laws got here last week.  Moved into their modest little pull behind trailer and set up shop in the field between the two barns.  I'm actually pretty excited about it all!  We had dinner at their place, put the boys in the ergo and backpack, made some coleslaw, brought our bags of frozen peas and ventured out to their place in the pitch black cold winter night.  (fuck commas.)  Little moments like these remind me of how much I love my life and I'm sure to inform my kids on just how lucky they actually are to be living like we do... which is a serious break down for an almost 3 yr old and a 1 yr old... but I state my case regardless, to the bitter end, defining, explaining... until Jonah is satisfied with every answer and the question "why" has no where left to go.  Pretty much my parenting style these days.  Over explain, and do it in depth. 

Hmm... another thing about parenting style:  somehow, when my super Momma defenses were down, I've encouraged what I call "pootie" humor to a degree that would make a Jim Carey film look like a conservative southern baptist studying a Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (it's a real book. look it up).  I didn't realize how out of  hand my kids have gotten with their desire to laugh at bodily functions, like farts.  My 1 year old farted all night in the trailer and belly laughed at length every time... in turn, reinforcing my own lack of etiquette for teaching them that farts are hilarious.  Try not laughing when a little kid farts.  It's pretty funny.

I've been looking at our latest and greatest heirloom seed catalog and am already projecting into my future spring/summer garden.  Living in the now is for yogis.  Country life in the winter is so quiet and cozy and mostly boring that I often live in the future or the past until the weather is nice enough to fully appriciate the present or a little moment like walking with my family at night catches me off guard.

Tomorrow is another big, fat, possibility filled day... good thoughts and laughs... even if it's "pootie" humor.   

Monday, January 16, 2012

Highlights of 2011 to.... nowish

Jo goes to work with his Papa

Asa in the clubhouse on the porch

Aaron teaches a blacksmith class in the wee hours of the night

Ryan gets married, me and my sister become bride's maids

The hitched folk

Country style, farm wedding
Making salve with bear fat

The boys tearing down the house

Christmas Eve

Our flatscreen TV

Monday, January 9, 2012

A New Dawn, A New Day

2011, go fuck yourself.  2012, don't let me down...

Well.  What a tough year we had... starting out of the gate, with postpartum depression, guests that wouldn't leave... in the summer we had a little case of bedbugs, and to top it off, 3 mother-fucking-cases-of-lice.  THREE.  And so, I cut my hair really short.  2011, I'mma gonna punch you in the face.

On the brighter side... I had an art show!  It was something that has been on my to-do list for quite a while.  I've been focusing on making my herbal salves and medicines.  It makes me feel useful and purposeful to help people heal. 

My in-laws are moving to the homestead.  Building a house in the valley down the way and living in the house of our former *sex offender!* tenant.  So, while I'm ecstatic to see that s.o.b. go, It's still a little nerve racking to have the in-laws here, permanently.  Forever.  Sigh. 

Our chickens have completely been picked off.  Henny Penny was snatched from the coop a week after my brother had his wedding here on the farm.   We miss that little bird.  She became the farm mascot for a while and we looked to her as a pet instead of a potential meal.  We will be upping our livestock with the arrival of my in-laws.  Getting a pig for summer slaughter, a milking cow eventually and a whole bunch of chickens for meat and eggs.  I've had my mind set on getting another dog too.  Something big and protective... and cuddly. 

I've made myself a "mom cave" in the side guest bedroom.  Painting the walls a pretty Robin egg blue.  It's become my ultimate hang out, with house plants galore, giant pipe cactus, sprouting window plants, my laptop, a comfy bed.  It's my other bedroom.  I love it. 

Asa is nursing only a couple of times a day and it's pretty heartbreaking!  He's almost 14 months old... he should still want the boobies!  Thinking of having another baby, but it's probably just my coping mechanism for this rejection that I'm feeling.  Little monkey.  Jonah is turning 3 at the end of the month... thinking of taking him horse back riding in the mountains... any suggestions? 

Hoping to get my master herbalist certificate in the next few years, then have weekend courses here on the farm where people can camp or stay in our cabin *that may never get finished*.... My sister in-law and I have also started a wedding/event center out of the old barn after the success of my brother's wedding.  No bites yet, but the potential is exciting.  That's about it.  Pictures to follow soon.

P.S. I am so in love with my husband.  I'm a lucky woman.

Monday, September 5, 2011

like taking off a tight shoe.

Wow.  It's as though I've been in a dream that I couldn't wake up from for the last 6 months.  Haven't been myself, forgot what "myself" was like.  I've been struggling with post partum depression but didn't really know it until my husband made me go see someone.  I wasn't really sad, just tired and angry.  Life is getting better.  I've had 2 really great weeks and today, it finally rained!  We haven't had rain in over a month.  The trees went into early fall mode, which is a real pisser because fall is my favorite season.  We're expected to get about 10 -13 inches of rain!  I've been sleeping on our back porch that opens up to the mountains and holler.  It's a nice cool sleep with minimal comforts but exactly what I've been craving.  Every morning around 7:00, Jonah comes to my tent and wakes me up.  He gets a real kick out of me sleeping on the porch in a tent.  The rain has been coming down hard for hours.  I woke up to the rain hitting the tin roof, a distinctive country song that I'm grateful to hear.  The heat has broken and I welcome this cooler time with open arms.  I finally broke down and bought a pair of frye harness boots in tan.  The true mark of the fall season for me.  Next it's leggings and dresses and wine by the fire pit under the wedding tree.  Depression... well, it sucks.  But I have to say it's been my artistic muse for the longest time.  This low period has been a semi - productive time for my creative process.  I've got a few pieces that I've been working on for a local craft show.  Moving on to functional furniture pieces with a cuban / island color scheme.  I'll post pictures soon.  Hope it's cooling off where ya'll are.  I won't be spell checking this, so don't judge me on my crappy grammar.  thanks :)