Monday, September 5, 2011

like taking off a tight shoe.

Wow.  It's as though I've been in a dream that I couldn't wake up from for the last 6 months.  Haven't been myself, forgot what "myself" was like.  I've been struggling with post partum depression but didn't really know it until my husband made me go see someone.  I wasn't really sad, just tired and angry.  Life is getting better.  I've had 2 really great weeks and today, it finally rained!  We haven't had rain in over a month.  The trees went into early fall mode, which is a real pisser because fall is my favorite season.  We're expected to get about 10 -13 inches of rain!  I've been sleeping on our back porch that opens up to the mountains and holler.  It's a nice cool sleep with minimal comforts but exactly what I've been craving.  Every morning around 7:00, Jonah comes to my tent and wakes me up.  He gets a real kick out of me sleeping on the porch in a tent.  The rain has been coming down hard for hours.  I woke up to the rain hitting the tin roof, a distinctive country song that I'm grateful to hear.  The heat has broken and I welcome this cooler time with open arms.  I finally broke down and bought a pair of frye harness boots in tan.  The true mark of the fall season for me.  Next it's leggings and dresses and wine by the fire pit under the wedding tree.  Depression... well, it sucks.  But I have to say it's been my artistic muse for the longest time.  This low period has been a semi - productive time for my creative process.  I've got a few pieces that I've been working on for a local craft show.  Moving on to functional furniture pieces with a cuban / island color scheme.  I'll post pictures soon.  Hope it's cooling off where ya'll are.  I won't be spell checking this, so don't judge me on my crappy grammar.  thanks :)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Good, The Bad, and The Creepy

Country life.  Oh.... what a life... You can't hide from the boogie men, they find you in all sorts of places. 

A few weeks ago:  It's late, my husband has yet to come home from work, as often is the case during these busy spring days, and I'm in the garden with the boys... watering.   So peaceful, so calm... Asa in the Ergo on my front, Jonah picking strawberries, laughing and pointing out every bug, butterfly and critter he spies with his little eyes.... then:  *CUE PSYCHO, SHOWER SCENE MUSIC* about 10 feet from me here is what I see:  a man, covered from head to toe in mud, appears out of nowhere from behind the barn, no shoes, cut off shorts, no shirt, about 6'4, long greasy hair, missing all but 3 teeth.... eyes like a fucking Siberian husky... oh and CARRYING A HUGE WRENCH AT HIS SIDE ("how did she die officer?" "we believe she was beat to death with a blunt object, maybe it was the wrench covered in brain matter we found in the bushes.")...
I say to him "What can I do for you *you fucking scary hillbilly*?"
He says in a surprisingly pleasant and gracious manner "Uh, My friend and I are stuck in the mud up yonder, can you pull us out?"  right, like I'm the ideal candidate to pull you out of the mud.  He wanted to know if my husband was home and I told him that he was but we were unable to help him and he should ask the neighbor across the road.   So he did.  I saw him in the bed of a pick up truck staring at me as he drove to rescue his truck, couldn't help but think that his look was more plotting and accusing than gracious and pleasant as I had believed before... 

Today, a similar story:  a man in a slate blue suv/jeep thing has been driving up and down the road going real slow when he gets to my house, which usually I thank people for doing because we have kids, but this guy was breaking his neck to see me and the babies and after about the 4th time seeing him creep by the house I got a little spooked.   Later when the kids were taking their naps I ventured out to the far garden past the barn into the second field, pretty far from the house and see this guy driving along the road matching my walking pace trying to get a good look at me.  FUCKING CREEPY.  So I whip back around and high step it to the house as if I just remembered I forgot something... surely believable.  And he turns around in the middle of the God damn road and pulls right next to me and says "Hey, um, is there any property for sale around here? *pointing to my property down the lane*"  helllll no.   I tell him no, and point away from us and say "check out up there, might be something that way''... thinking that I got rid of this guy I head back out to the far garden... just about to turn on the water when I hear a car door slam.  He's standing about 30ft from me, just looking around.   oooohhhhhh..... I'm pro guns.  As of today, completely pro guns. 

My husband asked what I wanted from town:  "hmm..... can you pick up some dish washing liquid, some fruit, some milk, a fucking .22 sidearm with a pretty pink holster to boot?  thanks." 

Country life.  It's pretty great most of the time, but I'm starting to think it's just a playground for the crazies. 

Sunday, April 24, 2011


Jonah takes great pride in watering his leek.

We finally find the morels.

Inspecting the loot.

Asa and I have a foe-toe-shoe-t.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I Found Peace in the Kitchen Sink and other ho-hum Adventures

I just washed a huge pile of dishes but can hardly account for my time there.  I did a damn good job on the whole kitchen in fact, but can barely remember doing a thing.  Cleaning has become my "momma time".  I just zone out.  Pretty convenient way to unwind, but geeeez... my previous "me" time, b.c. (before children) was so much more creative!  I would paint for hours or write music and play the uke or guitar, well I was stoned for most of my 20's...  Now I clean.  Big fat WTF.  I suppose we are animals, constantly evolving to our new environments.  Now if Darwin would get off his lazy butt and mop the floors.... soo, this has been about 8 minutes of blogging, Asa is up demanding his boobies.  Also, before I go to the milking stall, got my first case of poison ivy for the year!  Hello Spring!

the best car I've EVER had.  EVER.

back before digital cameras were affordable... hitching somewhere in BC

Friday, March 18, 2011

Yellow Truck Man, Preparing for 2012

There is this old man (maybe 80) who drives a truck of a teenage boy.  Bright yellow little piece of shit with two black stripes down the center.  He spins his tires in front of my house, deliberately drives fast right next to me and my sons as we are walking along the road.  Now he's driving down our driveway or he'll pull up to the house and spin his tires in the gravel then pull off only to come back and do the same thing 3 or 4 more times.   We live out in the COUNTRY.  The "law" doesn't come when you call.  It's a lawless part of the state.  People will burn down your house if they don't like you for whatever reason.  I know I'm sounding pretty dramatic, I am dramatic, but it's the truth.  About 3 times a month, I lock my doors, close the curtains and peer out the windows waiting for some creep to move along.  One time I was walking with Jonah up to the house from the fields to find a guy shooting his gun right in my direction, right on our property! Just shooting away. I called the police, but they wouldn't do anything but send an officer out to take my statement.   I think about what life will be like if 2012 does happen.  I think about the logistics of surviving a fallen social society.  I figure I'll have to make alliances with the neighbors... work out a trade system... and guns.  Lots of them.  ... and cocoa powder, a girl needs to have her chocolate. I hope we can avoid a "Lord of the Flies" scenario... really don't want to be Piggy... We don't have cable.  Just an old TV and a netflix subscription... I need to catch up on survivor and hatch out my survival plan.  We've got all the foxfire books,  and some homesteading books too.  It's a full moon tonight. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Soooo... not crazy, well probably a little, but that could also be interpreted as personality.  Turns out my adrenals are super taxed.  I'm in a fixed state of fight or flight.  Try being amped up all the time, no really don't, it's not fun.  I'm on an adrenal support formula, see how it goes.  Not feeling the extreme lows lately, hoping it was just a bad week. 

Mushroom... keep your secrets to yourself.
Got about 1/4 or the small garden planted.  We're doing it in spurts.  Still need to lay out the seeds in the flats under the grow lights.  Went grocery shopping, everything is soooo expensive!  I've decided to do more wild foraging to lower the food bill.  Chickweed is on the menu!  Got some mustards... more dandelion... wild onions... who's with me??? yeah? no? 

Also, I'm smack dab in the middle of my saturn return.  Lameo.  Can't hide from saturn... not even out here in the middle of nowheresville.  Just me and Beth Orton, Hey Rosetta!, and... really, just us.  Winning... just like Charlie.

Monday, March 7, 2011


Oh... hell.  I believe I may have a touch of postpartum depression.  Didn't want to admit it because no one wants to be crazy.  Is it possible to have manic postpartum depression?  Today is starting off to be a good day.  Yesterday was not so good.  Sometimes I feel claustrophobic in my own body... my mind is racing all the time.  I think in narratives.  I can't sleep.  I find myself saying "I just want to die", and not even realizing what I'm saying.  Nothing seems to help when I go to that dark cave.  Today is a good day though.  Not all days are so shitty.  Nothing triggers these episodes that I can recognize... I cope, make it to the next day and pray.  I'm drinking some herbal teas, it seems to help.  Blah blah blah.... This too shall pass.  I will survive, I will endure... I should paint.. or do some sit ups.  I'm in my skinny-fat pants!  I've lost so much weight!  Having a baby will do a dooozy on a gal, physically and mentally.  Find balance.  Be still.  Mind your mind.  I came home from having Asa and weighed 155 lbs.  I'm 5'4!  Now I'm 135 lbs. (still 5'4).   I can wear a size 5!  it's not the prettiest thing you ever saw, but damn it, I'm. in. a. 5. Little victories.  I'm normally about 115 lbs.   me me me... whatever, this is MY blog after all. The sun is shining today.  

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Dandelion Salad and Roasted Root Coffee

Harvested some dandelions from our blueberry patch.  Took me all day to clean those little weeds.  Made a salad that night:

Dandelion Salad Recipe:

soak your dandelion plants, roots and all, in the sink. Rinse several times until the sink water is clear.

1. Pick the leaves and flower tops of the dandelion, only the pretty ones without the brown spots *I got about 3 cups full.  Leave the roots fairly intact and place them on the side.
2. Quickly chop the leaves, don't go crazy, just cut the them in 1/2

3. In a separate bowl, chop up an apple into tiny chunks *leave the skins on if you want* a green apple would be good but any apple will do
4. pour in equal parts apple cider vinegar, balsamic *red or white vinegar (about 1/8 cup each)
5. add a dash of olive oil and an equal amount of maple syrup and a touch of braggs or soy sauce
top it with feta crumbles, raisins and toasted sunflower seeds.  If you plan on eating it the next day, leave the dressing on the side.  For a little kick, top with some cayenne pepper and fresh lemon juice.

For the roots you have left over:  lightly scrub them clean, set them out to dry.  Once they are dry, place them in a baking dish/cookie sheet.  Heat the oven to 350, roast the roots until they snap completely in half and are crisp through and through.  Check on them frequently as some parts of the roots might cook faster than others.  Place the roots that are completely brown/dark brown in a separate bowl.  When all of your roots are finished roasting, blend them together in a coffee grinder or blender until they are a fine dust.  Brew the dandelion powder just like you would coffee.  Sweeten or add milk.  This is a healthy alternative to coffee and tastes great! 

Dandelion is great for cleansing the kidneys, it is a diuretic and cholerectic.  Definitely a plant worth studying.  *According to an ancient magical belief, if you cover the body in dandelion juice, you attract the sympathy of all those who are like you.  If you blow a tufted seed in the direction of your lover, all your thoughts will be sent to him or her. -from Wild Medicinal Plants, by Anny Schneider

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Morel of the story...

Waiting for the morels to pop!  We've had some good luck with them on the property in the past.  I make a pretty mean egg dish with morels, cutleaf coneflower, garlic... so yummy, makes a lovely breakfast.  Speaking of breakfast-  This morning Jonah was talking to me through his curious george monkey.  "Momma! Meeeeeilk (milk)" -monkey.  Then monkey insisted that I breastfeed him like Asa.  So there I am, Asa in the ergo, flipping pancakes and pretending to nurse my sons stuffed animal... for like 10mins.  The things we do to keep the peace. 

Hopefully I'll have time to hike the property with the kids and search for early mushrooms in the back holler.  One baby on my back in a hiker pack, one on the front in the ergo... It's time to harvest some dandelion root while i'm out there... I'd better make a to-do list.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

People Come, People Go

Sunrise on the way to the Farmers Market

A busy season here at the home front is coming to a close.  Since my son Asa was born early November I believe I've only had one week of just us here by ourselves.  Us is my husband, 2 sons and I.  We've had a constant stream of company and live-in visitors... tomorrow my in-laws leave to go back to PA.  I've gotten so used to the company, the help, the shared meals... it's a bit heart breaking to be alone now.  Soon the nursery will pick up and we'll be shuffling off every weekend to a plant sale or farmers market... that's my favorite part about the early spring season.  I love dealing with the public in a professional manner.  I love helping my husband load and unload the plants, set them up in an artistic display, help customers find that perfect addition for their yard... seriously though, I don't care if I'm shoveling chicken poop all day, sometimes I just need some "me" time away from the kids.  Markets and plant sales are a great excuse to get a babysitter.  I'm fluent in 2 year old... ready for a slightly more challenging convo.  I wish spring would hurry up and get here... plus, no one knows for sure if you've spiked your O.J.  I haven't actually done that- yet.  Momma needs a break, folks.  

Our typical Farmers Market set up.  You can't beat the early morning vendor scene... fresh coffee and first choice of pastries / veggies.  It's the new "date night"  ... morning... whatever.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Here Lately

This is inside the cabin down the holler.   Asa is asleep outside in the stroller.  Perfect place to seek shelter from the rain. 

Our best family picture... this one might make it to an actual frame someday.

So difficult to get a picture of us four.  I seem to always be blinking, or have my hair in my face.  This is close enough.  We're in the barn loft, my first official residence on the farm before hitching the bossman.  Now this shanty-chic space is prime for guest overflow and the occasional intern.  My favorite spot to share a bottle of wine during a sunset or coffee as we watch the sun spill over the hill tops.  Our holler is dark in the winter until about 9:30 or 10:00AM.

The unfinished cabin I'm so desprately wanting to move into.  It's really only big enough for one person, maybe two, but I'm willing to move the whole brood into the 450 sq. ft. space.  What do you think of the stove pipe coming out of the door frame?  She's a beauty.  A nice sunny spot in the front, great for a garden.  A spring just down the lane and a small pond with an occassional heron fishing the few fish who call it home.  This was the latest spot for our French shepard friends.  As much as they drove me crazy, I miss them.

Our sweet lil' country castle.  I wish Asa was in this picture.  As you might have guessed, we heat with wood.  This is a typical scene for us in the colder months.  We just cut down some large box elders in the front so we could construct the playground/ fenced in yard for the boys.  What a wonderful morning for a photo shoot. 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Ink and Paint

This is my most recent style: ink and some editing on paint software.  I love her.

Farm Spirits

While pregnant with Ace.  The spark of life does not begin with the obvious, it's a decision from a lifetime before.


Some Buddies-o-mine


Astral body Saint

more from the archives.  she's peaceful.

If I wasn't me, I'd be her.

Bear Guy

Springtime Will Kill You.

We live on a busy road for the country, run a native plant nursery and dabble in farming
on the side.  It's time to order some new chickens.  Last summer the neighboor dog slaughtered about 12 of our gals.  I call that dog "shit dog" because his favorite spots to shit happen to be the path to my car, mailbox, or garden.  He's inspiring me to learn to use a gun.  Don't tell PETA.

Garden Spot behind the barn
 My husband spent the early hours of last night tilling the garden and former goat/mini horse pasture.  It's so exciting seeing the rich soil turned to the surface.  We always have the best intentions of growing food and maintaining our garden, but between the business and our two sons, it becomes a lesser priority.  NOT this year though!  but yeah, probably this year too.... we'll just have to see.  I'm hoping to get the seedlings started and  under grow lights by the end of this week.

So much happened this winter!  Very social last couple of months.  My son Asa was born early November, right after that a good friend of mine and her boyfriend, sheep herders from France, came to stay with us.  What was originally going to be "a week, two tops" became 2 1/2 months of crash course commune style chaos.  Not sure if  you could even call it communal living because my husband and I provided the food and shelter for most of the duration... after about 3 attempts of kicking them off the farm, and too many heated discussions about fairness and blah blah blah... they left one morning while we slept.  I think I might have a little post traumatic stress from that whole experience.  Hope our relationship recovers eventually... and if it doesn't, whatever.

Jonah watching the construction of his play yard

My in-laws are also here for an extended visit.  Lucky for me, my in-laws are pretty amazing and a tornado of helpfulness.  They have started the construction of a fenced in yard and playground for my sons, Jonah and little Ace.  Jonah just turned 2 and his greatest joy in all the world revolves around tractors and dump trucks.  Just a sweet little farm boy who throughouly understands the power of "NO".