Monday, March 7, 2011

Depress-mode

Oh... hell.  I believe I may have a touch of postpartum depression.  Didn't want to admit it because no one wants to be crazy.  Is it possible to have manic postpartum depression?  Today is starting off to be a good day.  Yesterday was not so good.  Sometimes I feel claustrophobic in my own body... my mind is racing all the time.  I think in narratives.  I can't sleep.  I find myself saying "I just want to die", and not even realizing what I'm saying.  Nothing seems to help when I go to that dark cave.  Today is a good day though.  Not all days are so shitty.  Nothing triggers these episodes that I can recognize... I cope, make it to the next day and pray.  I'm drinking some herbal teas, it seems to help.  Blah blah blah.... This too shall pass.  I will survive, I will endure... I should paint.. or do some sit ups.  I'm in my skinny-fat pants!  I've lost so much weight!  Having a baby will do a dooozy on a gal, physically and mentally.  Find balance.  Be still.  Mind your mind.  I came home from having Asa and weighed 155 lbs.  I'm 5'4!  Now I'm 135 lbs. (still 5'4).   I can wear a size 5!  it's not the prettiest thing you ever saw, but damn it, I'm. in. a. 5. Little victories.  I'm normally about 115 lbs.   me me me... whatever, this is MY blog after all. The sun is shining today.  

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